Tossing The Tiara

            "Being a little Barbie doll says your body has to be a certain way and your hair has to be a certain way. In girls particularly, this can unleash a whole complex of destructive self-experiences that can lead to eating disorders and all kinds of body distortions in terms of body image."

                   - William Pinsof, Clinical Psychologist, Northwestern University

There is a story of a Beauty Pageant participant who pranced across the stages from a very early age, more specifically from the time she was 4 years old. Mari Wilensky was a driven pageant participant from Jacksonville, Fla., always smiling as she crossed the stage as a child, even participating in the swimsuit competitions. And she was good at it. Incredibly, Mari won 250 pageant trophies by the age of 7 and in her mind, was gearing up for the biggest prize of all, the Miss America title. But that’s not whole the story.

Mari claims that when she took a break from competing, around middle school, her life began to fall apart. Of course, she also claims her mother didn’t drive her to participate in those early years, it was all her doing. Here’s how Mari describes her fall from grace experience: "I ended up having a lot of self-image and body-image issues," she says. "I actually was affected by an eating disorder. That was a really tough part of my life." Hmmm....

Happily (?) she began competing again and eventually finished in the top 10 of the Miss America Pageant, quite an accomplishment. She used her scholarship money to obtain a Masters degree in clinical social work and now works as a private practice psychotherapist in Florida. Kind of sounds like a success story, doesn’t it?

Mommy Dearest & the Alter Ego of Child Beauty Pageants

First of all, congratulations to Mari for pulling out of a bad situation and making something out of her life. But let’s not overlook some important information that seems to be swept under the carpet here. First, how many 4 year olds, without a push, whether gentle or full-force from their mommies, want to compete in Beauty Pageants? It seems to us, whether sports, performing, singing, or any other endeavor that a parent chooses for their child, that it is just plain sick and wrong for a guardian to live out an unrealized dream of theirs through their child. Did this happen here? Only they know for sure, but my guess is yes. For your information, her mom now owns a store that sells Beauty Pageant clothes and paraphernalia. You be the judge.

And what of Mari’s body image dilemma? There was no mention of the pre-pubescent Beauty Pageants as the possible CAUSE of this problem, but only a hint that NOT doing the pageant tour caused her world to crash in the form of an eating disorder. Really, are we missing something here? Is it possible, or likely, that the sexual objectification of a young girl not old enough to have an original thought, combined with being ranked and rated by strangers like a piece of meat based on looks might just screw up one’s  sense of self-worth? Could it be that this never occurred to either Mari or her mom? Denial (de Nile), folks, is not just a river in Africa.

Look Better, Feel Better, Live Better

And while we applaud Mari again for coming out the other side, we’re pretty sure we wouldn’t use her as a clinical psychologist based on this information. Parents, don’t you dare push your children in a direction based on your own unfulfilled ego demands. Let them try things, find out through trial and error where their true talents and interests lie, and facilitate them in growing into these endeavors with gentle encouragement. Otherwise, you may be on the other end of a quote like this, or worse, the cause of a young life of unnecessary turmoil.

               “I stand and feel an overpowering urge to forgive, because I realize that my father couldn't help himself, that he never could help himself, any more than he could understand himself.”
                                                                                  ― Andre Agassi 

PS: It’s not about us, it’s about the children!