Having It All

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 “I don't think women can have it all. I just don't think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all."                                                                                             ~ Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo CEO

Indra, married 34 years and the mother of two daughters, continued on: “And every day you have to make a decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother; in fact, many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom. I'm not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.”

Did she really say THAT?

We wanted to extend out Indra’s original quote in bold italics, as high profile individuals are often victims of being judged on quotes taken out of context. But in reading her entire interview, the above is a fair condensation of the way she feels. And while we are not about judging others feelings, we will reserve the right to strongly disagree, especially since we see guilt as a controllable, as well as, poisonous emotion.  
Indra, during her candid interview, shared some additional antidotes about her family and her inherited, generational parenting values that seem to have some strong cultural influences regarding what the male/female roles of a family should look like. Our first question, with her in such a power position and undoubtedly the primary bread winner of most likely a top 2% type wage, is why was it that her husband even needed to work? Why couldn’t he be a stay-at-home dad so she could feel like she had it all and shed the guilt of being a ‘less than’ mom?
It was mentioned in the interview that she employed the help of her employees, a benefit most of us don’t have, as well as her family in child rearing. But it seems her motherly discontent arises from personal demons around the conflict between a power job with huge time commitments and feeling like a good mom to her daughters. Maybe therapy would be good?
Hillary Clinton, another female power broker once said “it takes a Village to raise a child”. This is true even in normal families, but applies doubly when parents are in time consuming positions of power, leadership and influence. And this can be an awesome thing, introducing our children to numerous different people, influences and even cultures so they can experience the American melting pot values and not be overly dependent on mom and dad.
Having it all can be possible
The key, we believe, is to find peace with this “Village” concept. Again, picture Indra’s husband as a stay-at-home dad with Grandma/Grandpa contributing, or a full-time Nanny, especially when money’s not the issue? Task-oriented child care could be taken care of by the Village, so power mom could provide the LOVE and NURTURING aspect by spending the time she has available in ‘quality time’, rather than task time. This would provide mom and the children the heart connection necessary to empower them both to feel loved, needed and integral to the nuclear family. We’re not saying that it’s easy, just that it’s possible.

Look Better, Feel Better, Live Better

We all can acknowledge that guilt is a common component of parenting, enhanced when time limitations become magnified in the work/home balance equation. And we respect Indra’s feelings and opinions as they are real to her, but wish on some level that she had tweaked her message to one of empowerment and hope as the leader she is, albeit in the face of an extreme challenge. We think she should feel blessed on many levels.
For each of us, creating our own reality is our birth right. So if it’s possible in our minds, it’s possible in physical reality. We only hope Indra, and anyone else for that matter, will find the eventual release of useless guilt with a shift towards the reality of ‘having it all’ as a possibility.

       “What we call real estate - the solid ground to build a house on - is the broad foundation on which nearly all the guilt of this world rests”.                                       ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

PS: Do you feel it’s possible for females to have it all? What’s your opinion?